Parents of boy children need to see this

Hat tip to CommonDreams for cross-posting this beautiful essay by Kim Simon in response to the Steubenville, Ohio rape case that has sparked such bizarre media attention. Simon doesn't attack mainstream news outlets for their insensitivity and their not-so-subtle support for rape culture. Instead, she goes to the heart of the problem, the things that parents should (and so often don't) teach their sons about empathy and sexuality.

For instance:

As uncomfortable as it is, the conversation needs to evolve as your boy gets older. Sex feels good. Sex is overwhelming. Sex is confusing. Sex tricks you into thinking that you are receiving what you need (physical satisfaction, comfort, companionship, love, respect). Sex education is more than just giving your child condoms and reminding them about STDs. As parents, we need to worry about our sons being respectful of their sexual partners, not just about them getting someone pregnant. Our boys need to know that they will find themselves at a crossroads one night, or on multiple nights. Their body will be telling them one thing, and their partner may be telling them another. It is a young man’s responsibility to listen to his partner. Explain to your son what consent looks like (and doesn’t look like). They need to know what sex looks like. Not the Playboy magazine/online-porn version, but the logistics of how it actually works. Teach them to ask their partners. Teach them to check in as they take the next step with someone. Teach them to stop if they don’t think they’re getting a clear answer.

I post this with a small amount of ambivalence, because I think Simon's post could be misread to lay the responsibility for men's behavior with women once again -- with their mothers, instead of with their sexual partners. In US society, at least, women are still stereotyped as being primarily mothers and primary care-givers for children. So, if boy children grow up to be arrogant, sexist men it must be the fault of their mothers.

But I don't think that's what Kim Simon is saying. Her message is clearly directed at parents, which means men, too. And her words clearly show that the reason that men rape has nothing to do with biology, and everything to do with social structure.

We can change that social structure, and we must.